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Introduction: Along Came She.

Have you ever felt yourself completely vulnerable to your emotions? Where nothing seems to feel better but to embrace the certain emotion you are feeling right at that moment? Well, prepare yourself for this blog as I, a brand new writer, continue to write about my own raw emotions in blogger form as you can say. Follow me on this journey and experience through my own eyes as to what each moment of life expresses as I pass through my 20s.

From romance to religion to family and friends, along came her life, as along came she.

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Mothers 

To every mother who is single,

You have been the strength your child has needed. During the times you felt like you couldn’t provide enough, you provided comfort and love – which was more than enough. During the times where you cried because you felt like you needed support, I thank you for staying strong enough because you knew your kids needed you. You had to be not just the mother but the father in so many occasions.  Your strength and resilience cannot even compare to anyone else. You are loved. You are strong. You are courageous. 

To the birth mothers who placed for adoption,

Thank you for sacrificing your body for 9 months, only to be so humble enough to place your baby with a family who cannot bare children. You are admirable, humble, and nothing is greater than a love so strong and so abundant than those who would do anything in order to make a better future for their child – even if it means giving them to a family who can provide better. Thank you, for your humility and love. Thank you for giving your child life.

To the mothers who are in the army, 

You are the reason why mothers are described as strong. You are the reason why many people admire mothers – because the tasks you do, and then come home to nurture your children. That is one hell of a job. Thank you for your service, your sacrifice, your ability to stay strong for your family and still be able to fight for all of us. 

To the mothers who have lost a child,

I may never know how much pain and loss you feel, and I may never understand the grieving process you had and still have to go through. But I will tell you – you will see them again one day. As they wait for you, they will look after you. Although the pain will never be permanently gone, you will be able to find a way to keep going, keep pressing forward. You have grown so much strength to help you get through this, and I only wish peace for you. You are loved. By so many. And your child loved you so much. You deserve to be happy and I know your child would want you to live happy for their sake. 

For every mother out there,

We love you. We thank you for your constant support and undivided attention. We thank you for every sacrifice you have given us and every opportunity you encouraged us to take. You are beautiful. And for that, I want to say ..

Happy Mother’s Day.

Free

I thought I loved you. 

Until I came back to reality. The more I talked to you and searched for comfort, the more I found rejection and pure selfishness. 

I was heartbroken, confused..angry. How could someone reject my love for them? How could someone reject me for caring and bending over backwards for them? Why would someone do that?

Why would someone hurt me when I have done my best to love them unconditionally?

You know it took me a while. To realize, it was never me. It was always you. Your selfish ways, your narcissistic personality..you tried drowning me in your own sorrows and guilt. 

You tried punishing me for the sins you committed. You pushed me away because you couldn’t handle the fact that you didn’t deserve me. 

No, you didn’t deserve me. You didn’t deserve the love I gave you or the compassion I showed you. But you continued to allow me to be blind. You continued to take advantage of what I gave you because you’ve never felt so cherished before. And you were scared to know what it would be like, without that. 

But you had to know, it was going to come to an end. Your true colors were going to show soon enough.

And they did. 

And once I realized you were never who you said you were, once I realized you were everything I was scared of, I came out of the illusion I thought of you.

I removed the lies I told myself about you and I finally saw the dark colors you hid. And though it hurt me, I was able to release the chains that was connected between us. The chains that kept me down, hidden in my own misery. 

And since that day, I became free.  

The City

As I enter the city, memories flood. 

Songs that I used to replay over and over just because they reminded me of you. Times where I grabbed onto your arm and leaned on you because you were my comfort zone. 

Laughs we shared, songs we sang together, jokes we roasted on each other, moments of intimacy. 

But now, all that’s left are memories. Because you left before I could even ask you not to. Before I could show you how much I cared. 

And so now the city leaves a cold mark of our past. Where the flowers and trees that once blossomed have turned into stern old branches. Where the warm spring breeze that hit our faces as we held hands, became the cold crispy wind that swirls by. 

The city is so busy, yet leaves my heart so still. Every place reminds me of you. Nothing is the same. Yet every time I come back here, it almost feels like it is..except without you in it. 

Life as we know it, slams us with trials and obstacles. But I would have never guessed you were just another chapter, another obstacle. 

And now here I am, present in the city that once held our laughs, our dear memories. I won’t ever see this city the same, as long as you remain..in my thoughts forever. 

10 Ways to Build Self-Esteem

It was never easy growing up, as I struggled with self-esteem. Starting in elementary school, I always had people pick on me whether it was because I had a unibrow, sideburns, or because I had short hair and pimples. I wasn’t one of those popular kids who had it all together and was active in sports. Up until this past year actually, it was hard for me to really be confident in myself and I always looked for other peoples’ opinions. But with certain trials I faced recently, I broke down. I hit rock bottom more than I ever did before, and it made me feel at my worst – alone and vulnerable.

But this break down was something I needed. It helped me push myself off from the ground, and stand up for myself; stand up for everything I believed in. It helped motivate me and understand that I needed myself more than anything, and if I couldn’t find my own self-love, then how could I ever be truly happy?

So, I started working on how I could find myself and accept who I am as a person. As you continue to read this, I hope these 10 suggestions that helped me, help inspire you to do your own discerning, to build your confidence and to become the incredible person you were always destined to be.

  1. “I am enough.” –

    I never believed it, but it never stopped me from telling myself that. Even now, I still tell myself, “I am enough. I am worthy.”. Whether or not you believe it now, saying that helps penetrate it in your mind so that eventually you do see your worth and see that you are enough. So start today by telling yourself that you are enough and that you are worthy of everything – love, happiness, peace. Say it at least 2-5 times a day and when you say it, try to mean it to the best of your ability. I promise you, it will get easier the more you say it.

  2. Travel –

    Whether you work or are in school, have money or are completely broke, you can travel in town or out of town – just travel! Whether it was after work or on the weekends, I did my best to just go to the beach that was 45 min away from where I lived, or to the park near by and just walk. Take that time to embrace those moments – the beautiful city you live in, the nature around you, or the nice weather. And travel alone. Take that time to have fun by yourself, and give yourself a break from the hectic life you live.

  3. Read Books –

    I used to hate reading when I was younger. But the older I get, the more I find myself heading to the library more or ordering books online. As I hit rock bottom, I forced myself to try and go to the library and pick out some books that could help motivate me to stay strong. I ended up picking out 10 different books, but knew I should only go with 4-5 books (especially since I couldn’t carry them all at one time). But reading helped really open up my eyes to new perspectives. One book that I’ve been reading, (that’s associated to my own personal beliefs) Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelley, has not only helped me grow in my faith, but open my eyes of who I am as God’s daughter, and it challenges me every day to be the best version of myself. So I encourage you, to try and get yourself to the library and pick out some good self-motivating books.

  4. YouTube Videos –

    YouTube Videos have been my best friend for the absolute longest. If you don’t have the youtube app on your phone – get it now. Every morning before work, I would pull out my phone to look up some type of youtube video that would help motivate me. Trent Shelton is by far one of my favorite speakers. His talks have helped me in so many ways through different tribulations. You can literally type anything into youtube, and find something. Start with “Self Esteem Motivational”. One of the first videos that pops up under that is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjZ0KbJcav0

    Enjoy 🙂

  5. Lists

    Create a list of the traits that people love about you. Ask your friends, your family members, coworkers – anyone! Write them down. Next, write down another list that you love about yourself. I want you to keep that list, and continue to write in it as time goes on. And continue to read it every day – the list of traits that people love about you, and the list of traits that you love about yourself. And eventually, they should start to become very similar.

  6. Prayer & Meditation

    Meditation can be difficult to master if you’re a beginner. I’m a beginner and I can barely manage to do 10 minutes without starting to think of other things. So I pray – asking God to help me see my worth more, to help build the strength to get through whatever obstacles comes my way, and to continue to always fulfill His will. And as you pray, embrace those moments in silence. Embrace that certain moment where you are blessed to breathe another second; where you are blessed to have your heart beat again and again; embrace those moments. And as you practice this, you start to build meditation. Peace comes from within, you just have to find it in the depths of your own heart. And to draw towards this goal, meditation is the key.

  7. Curiosity

    Okay so curiosity might have killed the cat, but if the cat didn’t challenge himself, then what would life be about? No, I’m not saying to go jump off a bridge or to try something that will get you killed. I’m talking about, be curious as to who you are! Be curious in a way where you want to find out what you’re about, the things you like, the things you don’t like – date yourself. As I previously mentioned, go out and travel! Try out new hobbies. As I was getting to know myself, I decided to pick up crocheting. Did I end up continuing it? No. But did I try? Yes. And that’s what matters. I also tried coloring, writing, building things from pinterest, taking myself out for a nice dinner/lunch, etc. Be curious and try new things. That is a great way to find out who you are, and what you love about yourself.

  8. Social Media Fast

    Before you freak out, just try it – one hour, one day, one week, heck, if you can do one month – I salute you! It literally will put your mind at ease. Society is filled, and I mean FILLED with lies that other people’s lives are perfect. Each one of us has compared ourselves to at least one person that we follow on social media and wished our lives could be more like them, or wish we had something they did. But the truth is – no one is as happy or perfect as they seem on social media; don’t let it fool you.

  9. Music Makes You Lose Control

    Music always makes me feel better but it can also shift your mood depending on the songs. So I suggest putting on songs that you truly love to sing your heart to. Put on your favorite song – sing along or dance like no one is watching. Because really- people aren’t watching 😉

  10. Journal –

    Whether it’s a diary or writing a poem or blog, journaling can be very therapeutic. It helps you process your thoughts better. And one thing I love doing, is looking back at my previous entries and seeing how far I came. Knowing I made it through those certain days helps me know that I am strong, that I am capable of moving forward, to keep pushing through, and that I will be okay. Journaling helps you get out any negative emotion, and it also helps you realize what a strong individual you have become over time.

     

     

     

    I truly hope that you will try at least one or two of these. Remember, you are an incredible person and you deserve to truly know that about yourself. So take that chance and help build your confidence through these 10 ways. Enjoy.

Flaw-less.

“What is that on your face? Is that a pimple?” “What do you do for your acne?” “Oh my goodness, your acne has gotten worse!”

Stop it. Just stop. All of it.

That’s all I want to tell people. Get out of my face and mind your own business. Do you not think I know this? I’ve tried everything from a combination of honey and turmeric, to eating healthier, to exercising, to smacking egg yolk on my face to ‘St. Ives Apricot Scrub’ to different medications doctors have prescribed me. None of them work enough to make all my scars magically ‘go away’. But you know what?

I’m okay with that.

Over the years, it has been my BIGGEST insecurity. I did whatever I could to cover my face with my hair or put layers of filters on my selfie photos (yes I was, and still am that girl at times). And yes, it can still be an insecurity for me at times, but what I’ve learned about myself is that – none of the criticism matters if I don’t dwell on it. (Am I right or am I right?). I look myself in the mirror every day and what I see is not just the girl with acne and scars on her face anymore – it’s this 26 year old female who is a strong, motivated, smart, silly, genuine individual that does her best to love herself more and more every day.

My acne comes and goes, along with the seasons. And I am fine with it. People may say that it is dirty and disgusting, that I need to do something about it. But the thing is, I have been. For some people, it’s just bad luck that it happens to them. And with me – it would be my luck that I’m still stuck with this bastard on my face.

But it has helped me to embrace myself even more by accepting that I have flaws and I’m not perfect – but I am still a daughter of Christ. I am still a beautiful woman. That flaw does not change who I am as a person.

So where am I going with this? Well, this is what I’m trying to get at:

Whatever your flaw may be, embrace it.

Whatever insecurity you have, accept it.

No one is perfect my dear. No one has the perfect body, or face, or smile, so get that out of your head and stop comparing yourself to others. But one thing I do know is that our flaws make us different – it distinguishes us from the rest. We all are different, but we don’t need to be ashamed of it.

We should be confident, so that no matter what others say about us – it won’t hinder us from being the best version of ourselves. It won’t hinder us from being confident and loving us for being us. So I want you, to think of what your insecurities are or what you think your flaws are. And remind yourself, that is what makes you, YOU. No one in this planet has the same smile as you, or the same curves as you. That is what makes you different.

And my fellow readers, that is what makes you magnificently beautiful.

 

Dear God

I love you. But I know I can never love you as much as you love me. As much as you have loved me.

I’m sorry for the pain I have caused you. For the times where I wouldn’t listen to you, and the times I blamed you for everything. The times where I would cry my heart out and push you away, yet yell at you at the top of my lungs and refuse to pray. I’m sorry for the times where I didn’t trust you, and when I questioned why you kept putting me through trials and obstacles; why I couldn’t be truly happy. But I never realized that I could have been happy, I was just too stubborn to see it. I wasted so many times walking away from you, instead of running to you.

So, thank you.

Thank you for those moments where I thought you left, but you were holding me so tight in your merciful arms. I want to thank you for letting me cry as I felt your presence right there with me as you wipe the tears that fell down my cheeks. The days where you pushed me to get up even when I felt like I had no hope or motivation for the day. The times where you spoke through others so that I could hear you tell me how much you love me. Thank you for never leaving my side, even when it hurt you so much to see me go against you, to sin against you. Thank you for calming me down when I would punch the wall out of anger or bang my fist several times against the bathtub wall as the shower was running against my body, because I was in so much emotional pain. Thank you for holding me each time I crumbled on the floor for hours, because I felt so heartbroken, useless and alone. Thank you for forgiving me over and over again even when I could barely forgive myself.

Thank you for showing me my own strength and beauty, even during the times I felt so disgusted at myself that I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror.

The more I turned away from you, the more I felt a dark presence and hopelessness. But every time I turned closer to you, you always shined the light through the darkness. Your presence is what makes my heart and soul rejoice. You have shown me what love truly means; how to be happy and at peace. You’ve shown me that blessings always come after the storm. That I just have to trust and patiently wait for it to just pass through.

If I’ve never experienced love before, I know now that I have experienced it with you.

I know I made mistakes in the past. I know I have chosen my will instead of yours. I have thought I was right at times, and that I could prove you wrong. But I can’t take that back, nor can I say that I will be perfect from now on or in the future. But I want you to know, I will try for you. I can’t ever give back as much as you have given me. But I will do my best to flourish our relationship, to draw closer to you. For you know me better than I know myself, and you once told me, “even if your own mother forgets you, I will never forget you, for upon the palms of my hands, I have engraved you”.

Your love, is abundant.

It is true sacrifice, and every time I close my eyes to pray, I envision you with blood dripping down from the crown of thorns placed on your graceful head. I envision the forgiving, most loving look you give me as you continue to carry my cross, carry my burdens to Calvary. I envision you fall, scraping the skin that’s left of your body, yet you pick yourself up along with the cross and continue to bear this, in order for me to live. In order for me to have a chance to live with you for eternity. In order for me to be forgiven, and to love and to be loved.

Your love, it’s abundant. It’s pure, and selfless. The love you have for me can never be compared. And I know it is impossible to love you more than that.

But I can promise you this…

That I will try until my last breath upon this earth to fulfill your will for me. That I will strive to put you first, to trust in you, and to love others as you have loved me. And one day, I hope people will start to see you in me.

Dear God, I love you. Always.

Yours truly,

Your Daughter.

 

Beautifully Written.

Beautiful: of a very high standard, excellent.

Divine. Alluring. Charming. Exquisite. Graceful.

Woman,

You are everything this describes. If no one else has told you, let me tell you myself. You are created to be beautiful, to be elegant. You were called to be alluring and charming. And I know there are those days where you put on your best heels, tights and dress with that gorgeous plump lipstick to match your outfit, and the glimmering eyeshadow along with the eyeliner and mascara to make your eyes stand out. Yet you still don’t find yourself confident enough to walk out that front door and own the world. But you should. Even without the makeup, or your best pair of heels, tights and that dress that makes you look slimmer, you are absolutely stunning. You could wear sweatpants, an oversized hoody and you would still be beautiful. Because the matter of the fact is, you have always been exquisite – that is who you were made to be. Each one of us have the power to move mountains. We have the power to change the world, if only we knew of our own beauty and strength within. Look at women who have impacted history -Florence Nightingale, Jacqueline Kennedy, Maya Angelou, Rosa Parks, Mother Theresa, Michelle Obama. What makes you less powerful than these women listed? Nothing. You are just as powerful, you just have to embrace your feminity and develop that confidence within yourself. You don’t need likes from Facebook, Instagram or any social media to tell you how beautiful you are. You shouldn’t have to attract several men to know that you deserve the best – you should already know it. And you should never allow anyone to tell you who you cannot be or who you should be. Without you, there would be a part missing in the world. There is a reason as to why God created Eve for Adam, why women exist. If no one else has told you, you are talented in many ways. You just have to find out in what way. The world needs you, in order to flourish. You have the ability to make an impact in your own creative way – and that, my dear, is what makes you beautiful. Not just your smile, or your quirky laugh, but the way you uphold yourself, the way you focus on things you are passionate about – that is what is empowering. And this empowerment – it can change the world. Think about it. How mind-blowing is it to know that women have the ability to influence both men and women? That we can be a role model to other women and a backbone for our men? That is you. We are made to love. Why else are we the ones that carry unborn babies? Each one of us have been born through a mother and it can be such a beautiful process bringing a child into this world. Have you ever looked at pregnant women and thought “Wow, they are seriously glowing. They look beautiful.” And we as woman are chosen with this precious role and responsibility. Why?  Because of the incredible role in life that we play, that involves strength, love, tenderness, humility and grace. So remember, you are different than anyone else on this planet – you have the ability to make a change in this world if you just give yourself that chance. Your beauty within can take you so far, if you only embrace it with confidence. Life is about becoming the best version of yourself, and with that, you are truly living life. So I want you to remember, your distinct personality, angelic presence, and your gorgeous smile is what makes you beautiful. You are beautifully written.