Self-absorption. Self-love. Egotistical. Vain.
These words can describe the perfect words of a narcissistic individual. (Thanks Google). Most people won’t realize that they probably have bumped into a few of these types here and there. And some individuals, are unlucky to have fallen for one. This one is for you – the unlucky one who has been continuously ripped apart by one. But don’t give up. There is hope.
Thank you for the hopeless moments you have given me. Thank you for giving me breathless moments just to take them away in a matter of minutes. Thank you for breaking my heart enough to realize that I need myself more than you. It took me a long time to finally stand up on my feet only to realize that you weren’t even there to lift me up when you threw me down. Thank you for leaving me when I needed you the most, when I begged you to stay. Because of that, you have given me the chance to build myself up on my own. To realize that this whole time, you didn’t love me for me. You loved me for the attention I gave you, for the hope that I may have loved you more than myself and for the thought that someone finally loved you even in your selfish and egotistical ways. Each time you told me you loved me, it was really you telling me that you love the way I adored you, the way I cherished you. Because in your own mind, you don’t even cherish yourself. Yet, you chose yourself in every decision you made throughout our relationship, when I begged you down to my knees to choose me. Choose me. And now it took me a while to finally admit, I was blinded by the love you pretended to give me and the facade you played really well. I loved everything about you. Yet, you loved nothing about me. So thank you for allowing me to grow stronger without you. Because I was able to realize that I have always been better than you, and I deserve better than you will ever be able to give me. And because of your absence, I found the strength to open my eyes and see you for who you really are. You were everything I once needed, to only realize I never needed you, but I only needed myself. You broke me, in every way possible. You left me stranded with each piece you broke of me, lying on the ground, crying every night hoping you would come back. But because of you, because of your absence, I am able to say good bye and no longer look back to see if you are there waiting on me to come back to you. Because of my brokenness, I was able to mold the pieces back together into a better version of me. The better version that will never allow you to break down my walls, or to see me cry over you again. The version that will never allow you to walk into my life ever again, because you don’t deserve to see that. And now, it is no longer me versus your narcissism. It’s just me because I won this dreadful battle. I was able to move forward with a smile on my face. I forgive you. I forgive myself – for putting you first. For not thinking I was ever enough for you. For the false hope that one day you will change. You don’t deserve to be thought about. But I deserve to let you go. I deserve happiness. I deserve genuine love. From myself, and from others who truly care for me. I will no longer put myself second. I am my first priority. And with that being said, I hope the best for you, no matter what destruction you have caused in my life.
The Better Me You Will Never Get To Know.