Regrets (Do Better, Part VII)

I open my eyes to the sun hitting my face as I squint to the rays booming in the room. Still squinting, I looked down and saw that I was still dressed from the night before. I looked around me and saw that I was on my couch with two blankets covering only my upper body. I push myself up, and then it hit me – my head was pounding vigorously. How much did I drink last night? I don’t even remember falling asleep or sitting on this couch. I knew Marie was with me but I don’t even see her anywhere. And just like that – she came barging in with two large coffees and a CVS Pharmacy bag hung on her wrist. She handed me over one of the coffees. “It’s a hot peppermint mocha with extra sweetner in it, just the way you like it. And oh, here is some ibuprofen for the headache I know you probably have. I also got you a muffin to take with that ibuprofen.” She flashed me a smile and sat down next to me, wiping my hair from my face.

“Ugh..I feel so sick. How much did I drink last night? Why do you seem fine and I don’t? Didn’t you have like three glasses at least?” As I took back 4 ibuprofen pills, and drank some of my coffee. 

“Yeah I had a couple, but you drank the rest of the bottle…and a half.” She said as she gave me the blueberry muffin.

“Excuse me??” Almost choking on my first bite of blueberry muffin. “You did not just say a bottle and a HALF Marie!”

“Ohhh..yes I did.” I looked at her in disbelief as she shrugged. “Hey now listen. You threatened to take your phone and text Tristian or Jacob if I didn’t give you some more wine. So the wine it was. But I took care of you, no worries.” I let out a big sigh and fell back on my couch as I whimpered. I had completely forgotten about what happened last night for a split second.

“But…there was one point where..” Marie hesitated to finish the rest as she fake smiled at me and raised her eyebrows.

“Where what Marie??” As I look at her in question.

“Phew! The elevator was taking too long so I took those stairs. That’s my workout for the morning!” As Jacob flew in with another bag barging in my front door.


“Rise and shine beautiful” Jacob looks at me with that charming smile of his as he winks at me. 

“Marie!!!! Can I um…Jacob, hi. How the …Marie..” I was at a loss of words.

“Hey Jacob, can you give us a second?” Marie looked at him and pointed towards the other room for him to go in.

“Oh whoops, yeah sure.” He looked down at the bag and proceeded to hand it over to me. “I got you some emergen-c packets to help with the hangover.” He shrugged “It’s always helped me with those.”

I slowly take the bag and stare at him in disbelief. Not because he bought me those packets, but how the heck did he get in here? What in the world happened last night?

He gave me a half smile and went into the other room. I watched him walk away until I couldn’t see him anymore and then turned over at Marie. “Ex-plain. NOW.”

“See…” Marie scratched her head. “Remember when I said that you either were going to take the wine or you were going to text either Jacob or Tristian? Yeah well. You took the wine and then you grabbed my phone. No idea how you found Jacob on instagram but you did and you decided to message him on there..and then called him off of there…and then you guys were messaging each other again. And I only realized it when I heard you giggling in that corner on the floor next to the window. And by the time I ran over to get my phone …he was knocking on the door.”

“Oh my gosh.” I grabbed the pillow next to me and covered my face with it. “Whyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!”

“ COULD have been worse Jasmine.” Marie said as she took the pillow from me and then put her hand on my arm. “He actually was really nice the rest of the night.” 

“What do you mean?” I said looking at her in genuine curiosity. 

“Well when he came in, he picked you up off the floor and then you leaned on his shoulder. It was cute. You both were laughing and he like brushed your hair away from your face. And then put you down on this couch. I saw him grab you a glass of water and held the cup while you drank from it. He also found the blankets and put it over you and sat next to you until you started to fall asleep. He told me he would watch you so I could go sleep in your bed. But of course I didn’t trust him enough, so I just watched from the other room just to make sure he didn’t try taking advantage of you. I know you were mumbling some stuff to him but I couldn’t quite hear what you said. Whatever it was, it made him chuckle a couple of times. I’m not sure if he fell asleep or not. But, he definitely likes you a lot Jasmine. He really seems like a good guy.”

“Wow…I don’t remember any of that.” I said. But I sat there and looked at Marie and half smiled. “I can’t believe a stranger did that for me. And I can’t believe my dumb behind found him on instagram. Like really?”

“Girl, me neither. But see, this is how I see it.” Marie turned towards me and held both of my hands together with hers. “You have two options – Jacob or Tristian. I have Tristian’s phone number in my phone. And you know that. But you decided to go the harder way and look on instagram for Jacob’s page. That says a lot.’ve moved on. And that’s okay Jasmine. I also don’t want you to feel obligated to pick one of them. You could even choose yourself! Just..promise me you’ll take some time out to really think about this.

“Yeah.” I sighed as I adjusted myself on the couch. “Yeah, I’ll do that.” I take another bite of my muffin and place it down on the coffee table in front of me. “Let me go talk to him..I think I need to apologize to him.”

“Yeah well, let me actually get going. Mom needs me this afternoon with some errands and I told her I would be home in a few.” Marie kisses me on the forehead. “Let me know how it goes okay?”

I nodd as I look up at her grabbing her stuff. “Hey Jacob, it was good seeing you.” As Marie calls out to him. Jacob pops up from the other room. “You’re leaving?” He says. Marie grabs her keys and gives him a hug. “Yeah, gotta help mom with some stuff. Thanks for the help last night.” 

Jacob chuckles. “Yeah, hope you got some sleep Marie.” As he looks over at me. I feel myself blush in embarassment. “Oh hush, you know I did” Marie looks at me and winks. She walks out the door with a final wave bye and closes it. I look at Jacob and he was already looking at me. “May I?” as he points to the couch I’m sitting at. “Yeah come sit.” as I pat down next to me. “Did you want any water or food?” I ask quietly. “Nah..I’m good for right now. I actually just quickly threw down a muffin as well while you two were talking.” He said as he sat down, leaning all the way back on the cushion and putting one arm across the couch as two of his fingers touched my shoulder.

I felt myself staring at him in his eyes nervously, as he looked back at me. I could tell he was scanning my face from my eyes to my lips as he half smiled. I felt the attracted energy we kept exchanging with each other in that moment. I caught myself from zoning out more, “So…umm.. about last night”. He shook his head a little bit as if he was zoned out like I was. “Yeah..hey, no worries..” 

“Well..” I tilted my head a bit. “What happened?”

“Oh.” He chuckled. “See messaged me on instagram and said that it was great seeing me, and you wanted to see me again.”

Oh this point I don’t think I want to hear the rest. But I let Jacob continue on.

“And I said the same back. You told me you and Marie were just hanging out at the apartment and would like for me to come by. And then you gave me your address. I told you that it was getting late and maybe another time, and that I didn’t want to intrude on your ‘girl’s night’ but you really insisted. You gave me your address and said the door would be open for me to come in. So I said I would be there within the next 30 minutes. When I got there, I didn’t realize you had been drinking. Marie was in shock and I showed her the texts. I saw you in the corner over there and decided to help you up. So..I picked you up and placed you down on the sofa because I could tell how tired you were. And I just waited until you fell asleep so then I could rest.”

“Jacob..” I close my eyes and cover my face. “I’m“

I felt him grab my hands from my face and put them down. His hands were a bit cold but so were mine. “Don’t even apologize. Don’t feel bad. And don’t feel embarrassed. If I didn’t want to come by, I wouldn’t have. If I didn’t want to stay, I wouldn’t have. I stayed because I did. Sometimes we need someone to help us out. So don’t worry about it.”

He was still holding onto my hands and I oddly enough was okay with that. I rubbed my finger against the back of his hand and looked up at him. “I am sorry though. But thank you for not judging me and putting up with me.” I laughed. “oh gosh..I didn’t even realize I had that much to drink.”

He squeezed my hands and let go of them. His vibe all of a sudden changed as he turned away from me and I looked at his side profile. “ did mumble some stuff to me. About Tristian..”

And this is where things go downhill. “Wh-wha-what did I say?”

“You told me about how you guys dated for some time. He’s your ex. And that after months of not speaking, he came back asking to take him back…how much of that was true?”

I sighed and looked at him. “All of it is true Jacob. I’m surprised Tristian didn’t tell you since you are his trainer.”

Jacob shook his head. “Nah. We don’t talk about stuff like that. I wasn’t expecting that at all.” “Trust me, ha, you’re not the only one.” As I look down, I felt him look back up at me. So I look up and our eyes connected again.”So..what are you going to do?” He asked. “Honestly…I don’t know. I need time. Jacob you’re great, but this threw me off.”

“So you’re saying meeting me threw you off? What’s that supposed to mean?” He questioned.

“ mean that meeting you was great. But I’m not sure the timing was right.”  

Jacob nodded his head. “Got it. Well, I should get going.” He got up from the couch. But I grabbed onto his hand. “Jacob wait…” He looked back down at me. “You got things you need to figure out Jas. I understand that. But don’t pull me into it if you don’t have a clear mind on what you want. Because you clearly know that I’m into you and ready to pursue you. You just have to be on the same page as me for me to continue.” I let go of his hand and nodded. I stood up and looked him in his eyes..gosh they were so gorgeous. And right then I wanted to kiss him. But I stood my ground..even though I kept looking at his lips, and I knew he was looking at mine. He started to lean in towards me as I felt our bodies inch closer to each other. The energy between us became stronger. “You’re right” I interrupted all the chemistry going on between us, looked down and took a small step back. “You deserve not to be led on. I need to figure out what I want, and when I do, I’ll let you know.” I grabbed his hand. “Thank you for last night. It means a lot.” Jacob grabbed the back of my head and brought me in, leaning in to kiss me on the forehead slowly. “You’re welcome. Even if things don’t work out, we can always be friends.” He winked at me and walked right out the door. I walked towards the door and locked it. Did I just make a mistake? Gosh I hope not. Because I felt like I knew where I wanted to be right now. And I was about to come unannounced, because my hands were too jittery to text Tristian and tell him I was on my way.

I got in my uber’s car and gave him the address to Tristian’s. It was so much easier to take an uber to his house instead of looking for parking. Anytime I used to go over there, it would take me at least 45 minutes to look for a parking spot and sometimes I would have to park several blocks down just because there would be nothing nearby. It would take 20 minutes to get to Tristian’s. It was 12 in the afternoon, and I was hoping he would be home. I kept thinking about the different times we had together. Our holidays we spent, from the adventures we had. Man..he had meant the world to me. His happiness was all I ever wanted when we were together. It felt like we were the perfect match. He was there when I fought through my anxiety attacks, from school and work. He held me during some dark times. I never fell for anyone the way I fell for Tristian. He was supposed to be the love of my life. 

“And we’re here.” The uber driver turned around and smiled. “Have a good rest of your day miss.” I smiled at him politely. “Thank you, you too.” And got out of the car. I went up to his building and knocked on his door. Please let him be there. Because if he wasn’t, I was an idiot. I waited a minute until I knocked again. The door finally opened and my heart dropped. It wasn’t Tristian. It was his ex. The ex he had before me. She was in this long black maxi dress with a deep low v cut in the front. She had dangling black earrings with a simple necklace. Her hair was down, slightly curled. Her eyes stood out with her smokey make up, and red lip stick. One of her hands was on the door knob as the other on the wall. She had the door cracked open just for me to see her but not to see much inside Tristian’s house. I felt this anger from within coming out of nowhere. It’s not like Tristian and I were together, so what was wrong with me? Maybe it was because I didn’t expect another female to answer his door. “Can I help you?” Oh, is that how people answer the door nowadays? ‘Can I help you’ – who does this chick think she is? “Yeah..came here to see Tristian.” I mumbled. 

“Oh he’s not here right now. He went to pick something up.” 

I nodded. “Okay well..I’ll just catch him another time.” I start to leave until she stops me in my tracks with what she says. “You look really familiar…did you and Tristian used to date?” 

I turn around and look at her as I nod my head. “Yeah..we were together for 4 years.” You could tell it hit her when she realized who I was. “Jasmine…got it. Funny, two of his exes both here at his house. What a coincidence isn’t it?” she smirked. I looked her up and down. “Yeah. Guess it is.” I started to walk off. “I’ll tell him you stopped by.” I heard her say. I kept walking but made sure she heard me when I said “Nah. No need for that.” 

Author: alongcameshe

A 20-something year old trying to find the words to express the realest of the real when it comes to her rawest emotions in life. From experiences to life lessons to things she's passionate to, she experiments with her creative side by blogging her moments in life. As along her life came, along came she.

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