Regrets – Part VIII

Come on…15 minutes away?! How can I be in a city and there is no Uber driver near by?? I’m staring at my phone so hard that I don’t even know what I’m ordering at this point. I don’t care what car I get into, I just need to get away from Tristian’s place asap. Away from his place, away from his ex, away from him – 

“Jasmine?”

And at this moment, I said every cuss word I could think of in my head. Because I knew exactly who just said my name. I look up slowly and there he was.

“What..what are you doing here?” Tristian asks as he locks his car and walks towards me. 

“You know what, honestly? I don’t even know at this point.” I look back down at my phone. Okay..10 minutes left.. I got this..

“Jasmine.” He grabbed both my arms, but I pushed him away, raised one eyebrow and looked him up and down. “You have a visitor waiting for you.”

He nods as he understood who I was talking about. “Listen..it’s not what you think – “

“Oh really?” I crossed my arms together and looked him dead in the eye. “Then, tell me. WHAT IS IT TRISTIAN?? Because clearly, last time I checked you were over at my place at 2 am begging me to come back!”

He looked down as he rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes. “..that was weeks ago Jasmine. Weeks. At least a month ago..” He looked back up at me. “And it’s not like you haven’t been ignoring me. And second of all, it really isn’t what you think. She came by unexpectedly, and told me she just came back from a funeral. One of her family members had just passed away and she needed somewhere she could go. I told her she could just sit at my place for a while but I had to go somewhere.”

“Oh you just had to go somewhere but you let her just ‘hang out’ at your place?” He nodded. “Yeah? So?” I laughed in disbelief. “You know what? I don’t have time for this. My uber will be here in 5 minutes.” I started to walk away until I felt him grab my arm. 

“I went over to your place” He said. I froze in my steps and turned around. “Why…did you do that?” 

“Because…” He pulled me in close, as I let him do so. “I told you I wasn’t ever going to give up on you..” He moved a hair strand out of my face as he looked at me. ” I need you Jasmine.” He proceeded to hold my face in his hands as he searched my face..searched my eyes..searched my lips. He leaned in to kiss me and for a second I let him. I wanted to see if it had been the way it was the few years we were together. If that chemistry was still there. If our love had remained the same no matter how far away we were from each other. I wanted to see if I truly still loved this man and wanted to be with him. And as his lips interlocked with mine, I pulled away. Because I finally realized why I came to his house.  

“You don’t need me. You never did. And even if you think you do now… it’s only because for a minute you thought you could have me back. I understand you realize now that you messed up. But I’m not going to be your guinea pig, where you realize when you’re ready and when you’re not depending on how you feel when we are together. I loved you. I still do. But I know at this point, I can’t be with you.”  I took a step back and let out a sigh. “I came here to tell you, I need space. I need to figure out my own life. I don’t know if we are meant to be. Shoot, maybe I might be making a mistake right now by not taking you back. But it honestly doesn’t feel like it. And to be honest, I’m starting to have feelings for someone else..”

Tristian looked at me. Stared at me long and hard. I felt awkward just standing there in the cold with the wind blowing hard while he looked at me. “Don’t tell me it’s Jacob” he said. I nodded slowly and looked down. “And you give me crap for my ex? And you’re dating my TRAINER? This is unbelievable.” I threw my hands in the air in disbelief. “It wasn’t even my fault. It wasn’t like I knew that it was your trainer Tristian!”

“Yeah but you STILL continued to talk to him, didn’t you?” He said. But before I could speak, he started to walk off. I called out for him and he turned around. “You know what? Take your space Jasmine. Because now I need mine.” I saw a glimpse of a tear about to run down his cheek. And in that moment, my heart hurt. It wasn’t like it hurt like a bruise, but it hurt as if it was so heavy that I couldn’t even move my body. It was as if I could barely breathe right. Because in this moment, I hurt the one man I thought I would vow to love the rest of my life. I hurt the man I vowed to never hurt. And here I am, realizing how much I hurt him. As I fight back the tears, I see him walk away and go back in the house. I look down as a tear drop hits the surface of my iphone. Dang it. My uber had been here 15 minutes ago and left because I didn’t see that he called and texted me saying he was here. It’ll be another 10 minutes for my next uber driver. I hugged myself tightly. Trying to understand that I did the right thing. That I needed to let him go. I needed to let Jacob go too. Because in this moment, the only person I wanted to love on – was me. No matter what guy tried to come persuade me the opposite. It’s my time. And I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me otherwise. 


Two years later…


My phone vibrates as I’m driving. My bluetooth connects and I smile seeing the name pop up on my car screen. I pick up. “I’m on my way.” 

“You better tell me everything. And when I mean everything, I mean EVERYTHING after you get done with that date.” 

“Are you okay? Where are you Marie?” As I hear her panting.

“Oh..I’m on the treadmill. It’s only been 2 minutes..I need to walk on here for at least 5, but goodness I ate some heavy chinese food that killed me! But let me tell you Jas..there are some fine men up in here. I’m about to do some squats TODAY!”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “You are always doing squats Marie.”

“Listen..I’m gonna hang up, because…I can’t even breathe right..and I can’t look crazy trying to breathe right and talk on the phone at the same time.” I laughed. “Okay Marie. I’ll let you know how it goes. I’m about to park now.”

We say bye and hang up as I pull into a Italian restaurant. He told me to meet him here, because he swore I would fall in love with it. We were on date 16 now, and had called it official by our 5th date a few months back. 

I had nice brown booties on, with light blue jeans that had a rip on the knees. I had a floral pink shirt on that was under my brown leather jacket. My hair was down just the way me and him both liked it. My make up was done with a neutral lip color to make sure my pink eye shadow popped. 

“I’m inside” He texted. I walked out of my car and into the restaurant. I immediately saw him.

Jacob. Standing near our table. Wearing the dark green long sleeved shirt I got him for his birthday, with some dark jeans. Man he looked amazing. “Good evening gorgeous lady,” as he kissed me on my cheek and pulled out my chair for me. I sat down and he pushed me in and proceeded to sit down across from me. “Well good evening babe, how was your day?” He nodded his head side to side. “You know..same old. Work was work. Busy as normal. But blessed that I’m able to own the gym now.”

“I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come with being an owner! Matter of fact, Marie is at the gym now checking out some of your guys.” I said to him. Jacob laughed. “She knows I got her if she wants me to hook her up.” I laughed. “Oh she knows. Don’t worry, she’ll let you know too.”

“So did you get the invite?” Jacob asked. I nodded. It wasn’t weird. He knew Tristian and I had become friends. After our incident, we took months before we finally said any words to each other. Tristian was graduating from his masters and Jacob and I both knew his new girlfriend would be there. And his new girlfriend seemed better for him than I ever would be for Tristian. And I was genuinely happy for him. We still cared for each other, but our friendship was on another level, where we both accepted our past for what it was and moved forward as mature adults. Jacob was no longer Tristian’s gym trainer which happened quickly after I told him I had feelings for Jacob. But now, they were on better terms and even now, work out buddies. At least here and there if not regularly. “Yeah, you’re coming right?” I ask him. Jacob nodded, “Yeah! Unless you aren’t. Then I’ll tell him I got sick off some cooking you gave me.” He winked. I tried punching his arm from across the table but he dodged, making me nearly knock over his water. “That would have been bad” he said, and we both laughed. “I’ll get you after dinner. But yes! I’ll let Tristian know we both are coming.” 

We ordered our food and once the waiter left, I grabbed his hands. “I’m so thankful for you.” He looked at me with question. “What made you say that all of a sudden?” I smiled at him. “Because I just am. Seriously. Just two years ago I was in a mess when you came in my life. And here we are now, finally able to be together. It’s crazy what time will do.  I just feel like, everything now is right.” He squeezed my hand. “Marie..I can’t think of a more perfect person for me. And I know our timing is now. I love you. The person you are. The person I’ve seen you be to your family, your friends, the person you have been to me. And even though we may disagree here and there, you make me incredibly happy, and I am so thankful for you as my girlfriend. I’m ….so… in love with you Jas.”

I teared up. “I love you more Jacob.” He reached across the table to wipe my tears. “I don’t ever want to see you cry.”I smiled. And in this moment, I knew. That I was right two years ago to focus on myself. To even put a pause on my relationship with Jacob and put me first. Because it led me to this point. To the man I really was meant to be with. Because time shows everything. And for that, I am thankful. For that, I have no regrets. 

Author: alongcameshe

A 20-something year old trying to find the words to express the realest of the real when it comes to her rawest emotions in life. From experiences to life lessons to things she's passionate to, she experiments with her creative side by blogging her moments in life. As along her life came, along came she.

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